Swingers Cocktail Party, Holiday Edition

Different partner, different venue, different day of the week…same fun.

I’ve now gone to the swingers’ cocktail party four times, the last two times with my primary partner, A. He is typically busy on the Tuesday nights when they are held, so when I saw that there was a holiday-themed party on a Monday night I asked him, and he immediately said yes. The party included a Secret Santa gift exchange so the day before, when we already had a date planned, we stopped at a sex shop (one from which I’ve made online purchases) and browsed our options. We ended up getting a set of “sweet and spicy” scratch off cards and a sexy card game.

One of the changes for this evening, in addition to the different venue, was that couples and single women could arrive at 7:30 p.m., but single men had to wait until 8 p.m. This was an excellent idea, and one that I hope they make a regular part of the cocktail parties. All the previous times I have attended, the room has been overwhelmingly full of single men at the start of the evening – I guess they’re the motivated ones arriving early, wanting to make the most of the inflated price they have to pay to be there. It felt much more relaxed to arrive and be able to settle in without a herd of single men lurking.

The first game was one they’ve done other evenings and that seems to be a favorite of the organizers and attendees: sexy musical chairs. About 10 chairs were arranged back-to-back in the middle of the room and men were invited to sit down; I think for the first round the hostess gave priority to the single men and the first-timers. The hostess went around the room soliciting women to join the game, and I willingly responded to being called upon. The music began, we danced our way around the men, and when it stopped we needed to find a lap to sit down on. I immediately sat down, but then another women took the other knee of the same guy, perhaps not understanding the rules of the game. It took a while for the hostess to realize what had happened, and then she said that we (the women) had to be punished. We were given blindfolds and each had to kiss two men – either of our choosing or of the men’s volunteering. I opted for the latter and found it a pleasurable sensation to be standing at the front of the room, blindfolded, and suddenly feel a man come up to me and gently start kissing me. It was fascinating to savor a kiss with no (or limited) information about who the lips belonged to. I’ve been realizing I enjoy the experience of having some of my senses limited in an erotic situation and feeling more with those that are left.

When it was time for a new group of men to take the seats I was glad to see that a man I had been eying was one of the participants. I paid attention to the music and the hostess and was able to make sure that I ended up on his lap (alone) when the music ended. This time in addition to the ladies taking off the men’s shirts the hostess passed around oil and we were tasked with massaging our partner. It was delightful standing between his legs, looking down into his eyes as he gazed up at me, and running my hands over his neck and chest and shoulders. He gradually put his legs on the back of my thighs (I should have followed through with my impulse to lift up my dress so he was touching my bare skin) and pulled me in closer. It was an incredibly intimate and intense experience. When the game ended I wasn’t ready to just walk away, so I put my hands on the side of his face and began kissing him. He responded very enthusiastically, and his tongue was delightfully insistent in my mouth.

For the gift exchange, the hostess brought us up as couples to sit on Santa Claus’s and Mrs. Claus’s laps; obviously the women were on Santa’s lap and the men were on Mrs. Claus’s lap. Though I would not have been opposed to sitting on Mrs. Claus’s lap as she was delightfully dressed up in a red outfit (shirt and panties) with a white fur trim plus stockings and a garter belt; there was a sassy expression written on the seat of the panties. Santa, however, was just dressed in slacks and a shirt. When I sat down, he asked me if I had been naughty or nice that year. Without even hesitating I said that I had been naughty. I wasn’t surprised when he told me that I would have to be punished. I bent over a table, my back to the rest of the room, and he lifted my skirt and spanked me with a paddle a few times. Then I was back on his lap and opening the gift the hostess had passed to me: a butt plug with pink fluffy tail. (I haven’t used it…yet.)

When we returned to where we’d been sitting, we talked with my musical chairs cutie and his date. They wanted to see the gifts we’d received; I joked that my butt plug would make a good sexy bunny Halloween costume. I learned that they’ve been to a few other of the cocktail parties (yay) but that he lives in the suburbs (boo). This was the first time I’d been at a couples’ event where I found myself attracted to one of the other men. And even though it was a swingers event where I assume ethical non-monogamy is the default, I didn’t feel comfortable exchanging numbers with the guy in front of our respective partners. It definitely seemed like we both kept looking at each other over the course of the evening, even as we were dancing and making out with our own dates. As we were leaving we expressed a shared interest in meeting again at future cocktail parties. I must admit, the prospect of seeing him again definitely makes me more interested in going to another event…perhaps even on my own.

One of the things I’ve enjoyed about going to these parties with A is that it breaks our default setting of no PDA. On our very first date, more than three-and-a-half years ago, he held my hand as we walked along the river. But maybe that was just because it was our first date. I’ve since learned that he really doesn’t enjoy public displays of affection. If the start and/or end of our date is outside his apartment we will generally just hug. Having been on the awkward end of trying to say goodbye to him in a more affectionate way in public, I’ve generally stopped trying for anything more when we’re out. These cocktail parties, however, break that mold. I don’t know if the setting makes me more aggressive or makes him more relaxed; probably a little of both. When we’ve been sitting watching the activities I put my hand in his lap and frequently we don’t just hold hands but also casually caress each other’s fingers. For one of the games I was called up to have a man kiss my neck. When I sat back down I teased my partner to do the same to me…which he did. We ordered a chocolate mousse (making up for dinner the previous night when the restaurant had been out of mousse) and when it was delivered with one spoon, he ended up feeding me. That is definitely not the kind of thing we would do on a regular date! And finally, the dancing. The evenings include one or two interludes for dancing, which we take full advantage of. While I would expect at a regular bar or club we might hold hands or have our arms around each other, at these swingers parties we go all-in and enjoy make-out sessions on the dance floor…repeatedly.

One of the things I’ve enjoyed these past few years is seeing how sex can be enjoyed as a recreational activity, as opposed to just a deeply private moment between two people. These swingers parties have such a positive vibe and there is genuine cheerfulness in the exchanges (whether verbal or physical). I may start the evening off feeling shy and reserved, but it’s hard not to embrace the festive mood…and each other. It probably also helps that this is just a before-party: no intimacy is allowed at the event. So while I enjoy the maximum sexiness of the event, I still go home with A for a frolic as a two-some. The cocktail party offers the option of continuing on to a proper swingers club. But let’s be honest: at 11pm on a typical Monday or Tuesday night I’m not up for partying at a sex club until 4 a.m. However… after the fun A and I had at the holiday party we independently looked online and found a swingers club that had a cocktail party on a Friday evening and then transitioned to the full club scene. This time it was on a day we already had tickets to the theater, but we’ll keep our eyes on the calendar for next year and see what kind of naughty fun we can have.